September 21, 2009
Does Caucasian Male + Asian Female = Perfect Match?
** I don’t think I can date a super-Singaporean kind of Guy. So kill meSo apparently someone out there has said the aforementioned statement.
I say the notion that a certain race + a certain race = the perfect match is absolute rubbish.
Whoever came up with that incredulous equation? Caucasian male + Asian female = the perfect match…. What?! I’d like to know the reasoning and explanations behind that.
I think anyone who strongly agrees with that, is either
a) a white male with yellow fever, or
b) an Asian SPG (sarong party girl)!
I don’t like to stereotype, but to be honestly fair, I believe that there are white men out there who date Asian women so they can be in charge. The old-fashioned notion of the man as head of the family is being spurned by the American culture of today. Many white men feel that most white women are difficult, competitive, and domineering; they long for a woman who will just be a woman and let him be the dominant man. They have a fetish for the Oriental, the impression that Asian women are more submissive and docile, which is true in some cases, but certainly not all!
Then there are the Asian women for whom it’s all about the ang moh’s money, his worldly Western image, the supposed status symbol he brings, the breezy lifestyle he offers or the dreamy prospect of a Green Card, and the satisfaction of being able to snag a foreigner. Sadly, many Asians still have a “White-is-Superior” colloquial mentality.
I have come across many cross-culture pairings where the white men do not long to be “master of the castle” and it is very much a normal, equal relationship. However, even if it is a case of yellow-fever man + white-worshiping woman, if the couple is happy with this arrangement, then I have no problem with it. After all, they are 2 adults in a consensual relationship. Whatever floats their boat – even if we may question the underlying motives for their being together, who are we to object to their bliss? If it takes a petite, demure Asian housewife to make him happy, then fine. If it takes a blonde-haired, blue-eyed beer-chugging man to stir the passions in her, then fine.
Remember, different strokes for different folks.
On the other hand, instead of being quick to label someone a disgusting SPG, it is totally plausible that some Asian women prefer to date non-Asian men because she actually likes them for who they are, and not what they bring her. Instead of having grand visions of the West or rose-tinted dreams of being an expatriate wife, the distinguishing factor for these women is that it’s merely a matter of TASTE for them. Perhaps to them, Caucasians are more open-minded, more fun and spontaneous, less uptight, carry better conversations, and are better able to handle strong, opinionated women like themselves. Their “un-Asian” lifestyles are supposedly not suited to local men, they feel that local men are just not their cup of tea.
For many, it’s just a personal preference. Some people like Ferraris, some prefer Aston Martins. Some people like their coffee black, some like it milky and sweet. You can’t tell people what to like or not.
Besides, we should start thinking beyond boxing people into simple categories. With the world now a flat global village, generalizations really don’t hit the mark these days. Living in New York, I have seen and am friends with all sorts of couples – Indian man + White lady, Korean man + Vietnamese lady, Hispanic man + Chinese lady… the list goes on.
Who cares about Eastern or Western? There are rich / poor/ liberal / patriarchal / intelligent / dumb men everywhere, just as there are high-maintenance / low-maintenance / traditional / out-going / sweet / alpha women in every country. I’d like to think that in a developed and affluent society like ours, most Singaporeans have stopped revering Ang Mohs as superior people of a higher status, and that we socialize, work, and date them as persons on equal footing.
Undeniably, though the exotic factor will forever play a big role in the continued attraction between men and women of different races. It’s like, after growing up eating char kway teow your whole life, fish & chips would be very, very tempting wouldn’t it?
The desire for the novel was something I experienced after living in the States. It was like a buffet, men of all nationalities, cultures, and looks! I went on dates with Koreans, Taiwanese, Hongkies, French, Russians… everyone of them was unique in their own right, and a fresh change from the Singlish-speaking homeboys from my motherland.
Race is not an issue: I get along with guys of all colors and cultures
Through all that, I realized I needed to be with someone who could identify with my Asian roots, and yet be out-going and Western enough in his interests, attitudes and outlook on life, as I myself am Chinese but grew up rather Westernized in many aspects. I think the keyword here is International, someone with a more international background I feel would be more compatible with me.
For nearly 4 months now, I have been seeing someone who is half-white-and half-Taiwanese. Because he too is a blend of East and West cultures, we can connect on so many different levels, from indie movies to making dumplings. He is Westernized, yet holds dear to his Asian values, like being very close to and filial towards his parents, which is important to me.
But that is merely one of the long list of reasons why he is a good match. Because ultimately, a perfect match is not based solely on the color of one’s skin or heritage. Whether someone is right for another really depends on a whole spectrum of factors. Things like temperament, culture, understanding, commitment, interests, goals, humor etc. all come into play, and these are some of the things that have drawn me to my current boyfriend.
A perfect match occurs when 2 people who are madly in love, have sizzling chemistry, love each other unconditionally, bring out the best in each other, and shine shine shine together like a bright, burning flame that lights up their lives till hopefully, the end of time.
Whether one is White, Asian, Hispanic, or Martian should not matter when it comes to true love.